slip...ping

i need to see a therapist again. but insurance won't let me. i called. got the authorization. and then called the office. and gave my info. and there aren't any available therapists apparently.
would they like to be responsible when i kill myself? are they going to pay the funeral costs?! I'M ASKING FOR HELP. dear God...what else can i do?

its for my own safety. i mean- I'M FREAKING HIDING RIGHT NOW. no one knows exactly where i'm staying. and it's tearing me apart. but i'm so scared. it could all happen again and inside my head it's already happening.

i'm slipping. and my guardian angel isn't here to save me anymore. (in fact he's probably getting wasted up there in heaven). Not that that makes me love him any less.
but i'm slipping. again.