just til tomorrow

seeing the new therapist tomorrow. but i need to be there today. i called to see if there were any cancellations for today and there weren't; plus she only works a part day today. i'm just very emotionally mixed up right now. it's still that time period that marks those horrible memories- the dreams are so real, so scary. i haven't slept in days. i did fall asleep face down on a glass table while i was drawing the other night. woke up with my face imprinted on the table. i'm exhausted by 9PM but can't sleep. financially the therapist is not a smart decision, but i don't see that i have any other choice. it's less expensive than my $400 co-pay that i'll have when i have a psychotic break, and am dragged to the psych hospital on a 51-50 in full psychosis.
and i am supposed to go back to work tomorrow. for a 3 hour shift....are they kidding? it'll cost more in gas than i'll make. but it's during my therapy appointment anyway and that was made before i got the permission to go back to work. takes precedent i think.
i moved all my stuff yesterday. it's boxed in my parent's garage. my mom doesn't want it/me here. she's scared of me. i remember the first time she said that. my mom just got back from a week long work trip. and my dad was never home anyway. but now...hmm. i havent been here all of the time they think i have. they don't hear me leave at night.

looking for a place to live,
meanwhile there are 2 yoga classes per week that have been lifesaving. and then there was this "Yoga Wall" one...very cool.