roar

the past two days at work have been...not too bad! i haven't been out on the salesfloor, i have been in the backroom doing price change- basically marking clearance things down. i like having a specific task and having the outcome depend on ME, not other people. okay that makes me sound like i don't like other people- not what i mean. i just don't like having to waste my time correcting other people's mistakes. but still- i feel very strongly that it's time to move on from target. first i just need some skills...and maybe some type of paper saying that i am educated and qualified to do something.
speaking of school. went out to dinner with my mom last night (does drinking with your parents ever become not awkward?! she was like "you drink?!" i am 22...and it's not like i sit at home drinking alone in my room. or ever at home) and she was getting on my case about not taking summer school. i reminded her that i am taking summer "school" just not at CSUSM. i'm studying to take the exam to be a certified personal trainer. and taking the exam. and PASSING it. she was like "well, how are you going to pay for that? shouldn't you be saving your money for rent, gas, school- important things?" i was so mad i almost jumped out of the car. THIS IS PART OF MY EDUCATION! considering i am a kinesiology major. it's not like i'm a bioengineering major- being a certified personal trainer will open up job/internship possibilities and look great on my resume. plus, it's something that i want to do!
as soon as i mention anything related to kinesiology, yoga, exercise, or the gym she gets mad at me. when we got back to her house last night i took my yoga mat and computer upstairs. she goes into her room, closes the door, and doesn't talk to me for the rest of the night. why is she so opposed to everything that i am interested in? it's not like i am practicing to be a hooker! when i was going to ASU for metalworking/jewelry design she wasn't happy. when i was supposed to go to boston university for journalism and communications she didn't give me any crap. but THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE! i don't want a 9-5 office job. i don't want to be sitting down all day- indoors.
and she isn't happy with me being a psych minor either. why not? kinesiology and psychology really do have a lot to do with each other. i mean, if you were a psych major you wouldn't really need to know much about kinesiology, but being a kine major it really gives you an edge if you have a psych background too, depending on what discipline you plan to focus on.
i finally told her my gpa because she kept asking about my grades. at least she can't say anything bad about that...it's not possible to get any higher than a 4.0. she didn't say anything positive though. because a 4.0 isn't anything great- it's what's expected.
she picked on me at dinner too. i let her choose the place. i wasn't thrilled at the idea of going out to dinner (wasn't hungry, just got home...) but i never go out for dinner and it's a free meal. i don't eat cheese...i am lactose sensitive and cheese is like the WORST on my stomach. so i ordered my meal without cheese. we were at california pizza kitchen and i got a vegetarian pizza with no cheese on the thin, crispy crust. i obviously wasn't going to eat an entire pizza, but i didn't want to waste the vegetables, so i picked those off of the pieces that i wasn't going to eat. well, no cheese and eating vegetables is apparently wrong. i should have just ordered water and sat there staring at her.
i fell asleep crying. i'd just like to do something right.
and the whole reason i'm at her house is because we got a notice at my house saying the power was being shut off because the bill hadn't been paid in awhile. and i can't live without power. i have a special air purifier/ionizer that makes it less likely i will have an asthma attack since it was determined the house i live at is a trigger. that plugs into the wall. if i didn't use it and happened to have an asthma attack, i'd have to use my nebulizer to get the medication into my lungs and avoid being put on a ventilator in the hospital because my asthma got so bad. well, the nebulizer takes electricity too. and then i am staying there tonight because i have 3 dr. appointments in a row tomorrow and it's about 8 minutes from her house and last time took me almost 2 hours from my house (8am appointments!!). plus, even though i'm not alone in her house i feel like i have more space. physically there is more space (especially in my old room since they sold my furniture haha) and i don't have to hide in my room all of the time. i can be downstairs and not feel awkward, scared, or in the way. yea, i am uncomfortable a lot of the time, but it's different since i grew up feeling that way.
i still have a free roundtrip plane ticket. i think it may be time to figure out where i want to go and use it!! so many places i haven't been! and places i have but would like to go back. i want to go to san francisco again, but i feel like that's a waste of a ticket since it's in CA. like i need to pick the place that would be the most expensive to fly to and go there haha. plus, is san fran fun by yourself? or...safe for a 22 year old female? hmmm.... decisions.
right now i think i'll go back to karen's house and chill in the backyard (maybe some outdoor yoga?)